April 14, 2009
Goa, India
I have been considering writing a blog for quite a long time now. Actually, I’ve been considering starting a journal, but I figured if I’m going to write it, I should put it online so my mom (and anyone else who might be interested) can read it.
My biggest reason for writing it is to capture the moments. I can see after three years with kids how memories fade, and that thought makes me sad. So I’m going to put them down here. And I am looking into software that will turn it into a book – not a book for publishing, but a coffee table book for our own house that we can pass on to our kids when we are downsizing and want to get rid of old junk. My dad tried that tactic unsuccessfully for years – to get me to take back all the crap that was mine, but I never did it. I got stuck with it in the end anyway, so I’m not sure it really mattered. He probably liked having it around, in a packrat/reminiscent kind of way.
I’m not sure what I’ll write in this blog, but I know a lot of it will be about my kids. That officially makes me one of the people I probably used to make fun of before kids, someone who has kids and then only talks about their kids. I don’t really think I am that one-dimensional, but I do think that kids make for damn good entertainment. And I want to look back on this blog years from now and be able to remember all of the things that I might otherwise have forgotten. If you knew me in a former life when I was much more career-driven than I am now, this blog might make you wonder what happened to me. And in actuality, I’m not sure myself. A friend of mine, someone with older kids, once told me that after a working woman has kids, she has to become comfortable with being uncomfortable. She has to know that the thoughts about working almost never go away, and that that will be a constant source of tension throughout a mother’s adult life. (OK, some fathers, too, but I’m being a bit gender-traditional right now.) She said once you think you have it all figured out, if that ever happens, then something new happens and makes today’s right answer tomorrow’s wrong one. So I am definitely living with that tension and finding lots of ways to keep myself busy, despite not working. I would probably shrivel up and die otherwise. I must say I admire women who always knew they wanted to have children and stay home with them, and I still believe it is the most important job there is.
I have also decided that I am not going to censor this blog for concern about who will read it (maybe a little bit). If you read it and find it offensive, then I won’t make you keep reading it. If you read it and find out new things about me that you didn’t know before, things that make you like me more or less, I guess that is the danger (or upshot) of having a blog that other people read.
As I write this, I am sitting on the bathroom floor of our hotel room at the Park Hyatt in Goa, India. It is a really, really great hotel property, probably our favorite in the world (Sameer’s and mine). I am sitting on the bathroom floor because we only got one hotel room for the four of us for the first time. I thought it would be a disaster because Maya really sleeps only by herself, and I wasn’t sure it would work. But it has actually been OK. We thought about bringing Neena with us (our nanny, I guess you could call her), but we would have had to get an extra room for her, and although the Park Hyatt is a superb property, cost-effectiveness is not one of its strong points. So I have escaped to the bathroom to write this, pack up our remaining luggage, and let the kids sleep alone. (It seems to be working. I haven’t heard either of them for a while.)
We traveled here with our friends the Coltons, who have a daughter about five months younger than Currin. That is an absolute godsend. The kids play together, which gives us some time, as well. We also made friends with another little girl on the property, whose family was traveling alone, and I suspect that her parents were thankful she had made some friends her own age to play with!
Debbie and I traveled to Goa alone with the kids, as our poor husbands had to work and we wanted to skip town. The flight was a little bit of a nightmare. Maya does not travel nearly as well as Currin used to. (I try hard not to compare them, and I hope not to on things like “Currin is smarter” or “Maya is prettier” – those are much meaner. Those were just examples, by the way!) This meant that Maya cried for probably two-thirds of our flight here, while Debbie mothered Currin! I have actually really enjoyed traveling with her because of the relationship we have not only with each other, but also with each other’s kids. It’s almost like just having two communal mothers around. I am not one of those moms who gets upset when other people discipline my kid, so if she sees him doing something wrong, she tells him (and I with her daughter, as well). And that works really nicely.
On the first night we were here husbandless, we let Charlie (her daughter) and Currin play by themselves. Currin had stripped down to nothing (he loves to be naked, and I am pretty sure he’s still at the age where that’s cute rather than scary), and Charlie was in a diaper and a shirt, I think. They were in the bathroom being quiet (but not so quiet so as to cue that they were up to something) and playing nicely. They told us they were pretending to shower.
When they walked out of the shower into our line of vision, they were covered in soap (that I brought to India from the US – baby soap). They had “washed” their hair and most of the rest of themselves – without water, though. When I came into the bathroom to see what else they had done, I found the entire bathtub was also covered in soap. They had used the entire bottle of it. So we just filled up the tub and let them take the most bubbly bubble bath in the history of bubble bathdom.
Adam and Sameer both came here on Friday, and that was a nice change – not only because it makes the family vacation a “family” vacation, but also because we could outsource some of the momming to the dads! They are both quite happy to be delegated to in that way, and Debbie and I were able to spend an hour or so at the beach during naptime while the dads stayed in. And yesterday, I went myself, which was – even though only 45 minutes – SO therapeutic. (I sent Debbie down there today while Charlie is napping. I was going to be in the room anyway – we have interconnecting rooms – so I figured she should get to enjoy some alone time, too! Both hubbies had to leave yesterday for work, and we decided to stay an extra day because we found out today was a school holiday anyway. So we will have the kids alone on the flight again. I am praying they will sleep, but I am sure they won’t.)
Currin, much like me when I was little, is pretty scared of the water. From birth, he didn’t like baths and has been very cautious around water. But for some reason, in the last couple of days of this vacation, he got a bit more brave and decided he’d like to go with me in the big pool. It’s quite possibly because Charlie was doing it, so maybe he felt like it was OK. (This is a good strategy, unless Charlie suddenly starts smoking or something.) But today, he decided he wanted to go to the beach, and his bravery was clearly limited to the pool. He was very scared of the water creeping up the sand toward him, even though he was never closer than maybe 30 feet from the water.
Maya is an actual water bug. She has loved baths from day one, and she loves the pool also. Yesterday, I had her in the big pool with me (while Debbie had both Currin and Charlie – poor thing!). She stuck her face right into the water, and when I lifted her up out of it, she started yelling at me until I let her put it back in. Unbelievable. I have been giving her showers with me, and the hotel has those rain-forest showers. I just stick her right under the whole thing, and she is totally fine.
So there. Maya – I (more of a water kid) / Currin – I (better traveler). I will officially start keeping score and giving them both complexes about who has more points. (I am kidding, in case that was not evident.)
For some reason, I have been very bothered during this trip about whether to have a third child. The truth is that I would really like a larger family. I struggle because I don’t really like being pregnant, and I might want to go back to work at some point. But I am trying to make this decision based on the long term, rather than the short. In other words, everyone knows that having kids is difficult, especially when you have multiple kids! But when they are older and need you less – once you make it past the tough part of them being little kids – it’s a different story.
At the same time, I hate thinking of Currin or Maya has one-third, or maybe even one-quarter, of our children. Can I give all of them enough time (I’m not worried about love – there is plenty of that to go around)? Will they grow as individuals and be able to participate in all of the things they would like to explore? Will we have to buy a bus to tote them all around to their various lessons and sports practices?
But I also realize that when kids grow up with siblings, they rarely know the difference. It usually is about “mommy guilt” more than seriously damaging one’s kids. (Like when I stopped breastfeeding Currin … he was totally fine, and only I noticed.) Sameer is quite certain he would like more, so I am guessing we will probably take the plunge. But watch this space.
For some reason, when I was on the beach with Debbie, I sort of clarified it all by saying … I want to have more kids and I want a career (that I have control over). So why don’t I just have some more kids and then go and work with Sameer? It doesn’t seem very difficult really. I think I just like to have some stress over something. I really do thrive on that.
On the up side, my bronchitis, which I have had for almost two months in Delhi (called “allergic bronchitis” and due to the lovely air quality in our fair city) is so much better here. I have hardly coughed, have had only one coughing "fit", and my lung pain is almost completely gone. Currin’s allergic cough (which scares me so much because I’m afraid it could be early signs of asthma, although the doctor is not convinced) has also been much better here; he has had it for three months. I only nebulized him half of the days we were here (and I didn’t take any medicine at all). When he is very active – jumping or running around – it gets quite bad. But here, it has been mostly OK. To that end, I’m really glad we were able to get out of town. And I am hoping – REALLY hoping – that it goes away when we are in the US for the summer. Otherwise, I’m going to be quite concerned for his long-term prognosis.
On another matter, I have not worn my glasses since we got to Goa (and I am not wearing them now because I can’t find them – I really thought I knew where I put them). I have also not used the computer (and rarely my Blackberry), so it has been quite OK. But lately I have been getting quite bad eye/headaches so have been wearing them all the time and feel a lot better. Right now, they are sort of bugging me. Getting old sucks.
I have also realized on this vacation that I am maybe getting to that age where even if I were at my ideal weight and went to the gym… at some point, women just stop looking good in bathing suits. That’s a real bummer. But I am feeling pretty motivated to start working out again. My baby weight is gone (and then some – phew!), but I feel (read “am”) very flabby these days! (And Currin has been pointing out that I have long boobs and my butt does “like this” (wiggle your hands around like flab shaking to get the visual), so I think I should seriously hit the gym soon!)
Currin’s growing vocabulary and accompanying curiosity are one of the big reasons I want to start this blog. He says things that amaze me every day. I know all parents are like that. He loves putting things together from various parts of his life and from hearing things from various places. For example, we say a prayer every night. We used to say one of two “stock” prayers (“Now I lay me down to sleep” or “Angel of God, my guardian dear”). But lately we have been saying “special” prayers, which is just me free-forming to say thanks for what happened that day or ask for blessings for certain people. I usually start it by saying, “Dear God, it’s Mommy.” He heard the word “dear” and said, “Like ‘doe a deer, a female deer’”. (He really likes “The Sound of Music” and especially that song – in fact, he likes most anything that involves songs or dancing.)
Or a few weeks ago, he had to go to school in a costume, and I had to have him be my prop. So we dressed him up as a dog and I named him “Petey”. He wanted to know what rhymed with Petey, and the only word I could come up with was “seedy”, so he said, “Like ABCD?” He is really interested in words and sounds and rhyming words and opposites, a little phonics freak like I was, so I try to teach him as much as I can – only to the point where he enjoys it, though, never like “real” tutoring or something like that. This all started with him from a very early age. I remember soon after we moved to India – so when he was just over a year old – I taught him what “ice” was, and he pointed to my “eyes”. So observant with words. It really is cool.
Well, I suppose this should be the close of my first blog entry. (I am typing it in Word because I can’t get online for some reason.) I am nearing the end of page 4. Imagine me too wordy… I think writing will make me feel good. I love to do it. It gets things off my chest. It’s quick for me. And I really am looking forward to having a log of “us”. This has been a great vacation, and very doable with only a 2 ½-hour domestic flight here. I feel relaxed and have a tan, and I always feel better with a tan (skin cancer, be damned).
Signing off from the bathroom floor in Goa…
Goa, India
I have been considering writing a blog for quite a long time now. Actually, I’ve been considering starting a journal, but I figured if I’m going to write it, I should put it online so my mom (and anyone else who might be interested) can read it.
My biggest reason for writing it is to capture the moments. I can see after three years with kids how memories fade, and that thought makes me sad. So I’m going to put them down here. And I am looking into software that will turn it into a book – not a book for publishing, but a coffee table book for our own house that we can pass on to our kids when we are downsizing and want to get rid of old junk. My dad tried that tactic unsuccessfully for years – to get me to take back all the crap that was mine, but I never did it. I got stuck with it in the end anyway, so I’m not sure it really mattered. He probably liked having it around, in a packrat/reminiscent kind of way.
I’m not sure what I’ll write in this blog, but I know a lot of it will be about my kids. That officially makes me one of the people I probably used to make fun of before kids, someone who has kids and then only talks about their kids. I don’t really think I am that one-dimensional, but I do think that kids make for damn good entertainment. And I want to look back on this blog years from now and be able to remember all of the things that I might otherwise have forgotten. If you knew me in a former life when I was much more career-driven than I am now, this blog might make you wonder what happened to me. And in actuality, I’m not sure myself. A friend of mine, someone with older kids, once told me that after a working woman has kids, she has to become comfortable with being uncomfortable. She has to know that the thoughts about working almost never go away, and that that will be a constant source of tension throughout a mother’s adult life. (OK, some fathers, too, but I’m being a bit gender-traditional right now.) She said once you think you have it all figured out, if that ever happens, then something new happens and makes today’s right answer tomorrow’s wrong one. So I am definitely living with that tension and finding lots of ways to keep myself busy, despite not working. I would probably shrivel up and die otherwise. I must say I admire women who always knew they wanted to have children and stay home with them, and I still believe it is the most important job there is.
I have also decided that I am not going to censor this blog for concern about who will read it (maybe a little bit). If you read it and find it offensive, then I won’t make you keep reading it. If you read it and find out new things about me that you didn’t know before, things that make you like me more or less, I guess that is the danger (or upshot) of having a blog that other people read.
As I write this, I am sitting on the bathroom floor of our hotel room at the Park Hyatt in Goa, India. It is a really, really great hotel property, probably our favorite in the world (Sameer’s and mine). I am sitting on the bathroom floor because we only got one hotel room for the four of us for the first time. I thought it would be a disaster because Maya really sleeps only by herself, and I wasn’t sure it would work. But it has actually been OK. We thought about bringing Neena with us (our nanny, I guess you could call her), but we would have had to get an extra room for her, and although the Park Hyatt is a superb property, cost-effectiveness is not one of its strong points. So I have escaped to the bathroom to write this, pack up our remaining luggage, and let the kids sleep alone. (It seems to be working. I haven’t heard either of them for a while.)
We traveled here with our friends the Coltons, who have a daughter about five months younger than Currin. That is an absolute godsend. The kids play together, which gives us some time, as well. We also made friends with another little girl on the property, whose family was traveling alone, and I suspect that her parents were thankful she had made some friends her own age to play with!
Debbie and I traveled to Goa alone with the kids, as our poor husbands had to work and we wanted to skip town. The flight was a little bit of a nightmare. Maya does not travel nearly as well as Currin used to. (I try hard not to compare them, and I hope not to on things like “Currin is smarter” or “Maya is prettier” – those are much meaner. Those were just examples, by the way!) This meant that Maya cried for probably two-thirds of our flight here, while Debbie mothered Currin! I have actually really enjoyed traveling with her because of the relationship we have not only with each other, but also with each other’s kids. It’s almost like just having two communal mothers around. I am not one of those moms who gets upset when other people discipline my kid, so if she sees him doing something wrong, she tells him (and I with her daughter, as well). And that works really nicely.
On the first night we were here husbandless, we let Charlie (her daughter) and Currin play by themselves. Currin had stripped down to nothing (he loves to be naked, and I am pretty sure he’s still at the age where that’s cute rather than scary), and Charlie was in a diaper and a shirt, I think. They were in the bathroom being quiet (but not so quiet so as to cue that they were up to something) and playing nicely. They told us they were pretending to shower.
When they walked out of the shower into our line of vision, they were covered in soap (that I brought to India from the US – baby soap). They had “washed” their hair and most of the rest of themselves – without water, though. When I came into the bathroom to see what else they had done, I found the entire bathtub was also covered in soap. They had used the entire bottle of it. So we just filled up the tub and let them take the most bubbly bubble bath in the history of bubble bathdom.
Adam and Sameer both came here on Friday, and that was a nice change – not only because it makes the family vacation a “family” vacation, but also because we could outsource some of the momming to the dads! They are both quite happy to be delegated to in that way, and Debbie and I were able to spend an hour or so at the beach during naptime while the dads stayed in. And yesterday, I went myself, which was – even though only 45 minutes – SO therapeutic. (I sent Debbie down there today while Charlie is napping. I was going to be in the room anyway – we have interconnecting rooms – so I figured she should get to enjoy some alone time, too! Both hubbies had to leave yesterday for work, and we decided to stay an extra day because we found out today was a school holiday anyway. So we will have the kids alone on the flight again. I am praying they will sleep, but I am sure they won’t.)
Currin, much like me when I was little, is pretty scared of the water. From birth, he didn’t like baths and has been very cautious around water. But for some reason, in the last couple of days of this vacation, he got a bit more brave and decided he’d like to go with me in the big pool. It’s quite possibly because Charlie was doing it, so maybe he felt like it was OK. (This is a good strategy, unless Charlie suddenly starts smoking or something.) But today, he decided he wanted to go to the beach, and his bravery was clearly limited to the pool. He was very scared of the water creeping up the sand toward him, even though he was never closer than maybe 30 feet from the water.
Maya is an actual water bug. She has loved baths from day one, and she loves the pool also. Yesterday, I had her in the big pool with me (while Debbie had both Currin and Charlie – poor thing!). She stuck her face right into the water, and when I lifted her up out of it, she started yelling at me until I let her put it back in. Unbelievable. I have been giving her showers with me, and the hotel has those rain-forest showers. I just stick her right under the whole thing, and she is totally fine.
So there. Maya – I (more of a water kid) / Currin – I (better traveler). I will officially start keeping score and giving them both complexes about who has more points. (I am kidding, in case that was not evident.)
For some reason, I have been very bothered during this trip about whether to have a third child. The truth is that I would really like a larger family. I struggle because I don’t really like being pregnant, and I might want to go back to work at some point. But I am trying to make this decision based on the long term, rather than the short. In other words, everyone knows that having kids is difficult, especially when you have multiple kids! But when they are older and need you less – once you make it past the tough part of them being little kids – it’s a different story.
At the same time, I hate thinking of Currin or Maya has one-third, or maybe even one-quarter, of our children. Can I give all of them enough time (I’m not worried about love – there is plenty of that to go around)? Will they grow as individuals and be able to participate in all of the things they would like to explore? Will we have to buy a bus to tote them all around to their various lessons and sports practices?
But I also realize that when kids grow up with siblings, they rarely know the difference. It usually is about “mommy guilt” more than seriously damaging one’s kids. (Like when I stopped breastfeeding Currin … he was totally fine, and only I noticed.) Sameer is quite certain he would like more, so I am guessing we will probably take the plunge. But watch this space.
For some reason, when I was on the beach with Debbie, I sort of clarified it all by saying … I want to have more kids and I want a career (that I have control over). So why don’t I just have some more kids and then go and work with Sameer? It doesn’t seem very difficult really. I think I just like to have some stress over something. I really do thrive on that.
On the up side, my bronchitis, which I have had for almost two months in Delhi (called “allergic bronchitis” and due to the lovely air quality in our fair city) is so much better here. I have hardly coughed, have had only one coughing "fit", and my lung pain is almost completely gone. Currin’s allergic cough (which scares me so much because I’m afraid it could be early signs of asthma, although the doctor is not convinced) has also been much better here; he has had it for three months. I only nebulized him half of the days we were here (and I didn’t take any medicine at all). When he is very active – jumping or running around – it gets quite bad. But here, it has been mostly OK. To that end, I’m really glad we were able to get out of town. And I am hoping – REALLY hoping – that it goes away when we are in the US for the summer. Otherwise, I’m going to be quite concerned for his long-term prognosis.
On another matter, I have not worn my glasses since we got to Goa (and I am not wearing them now because I can’t find them – I really thought I knew where I put them). I have also not used the computer (and rarely my Blackberry), so it has been quite OK. But lately I have been getting quite bad eye/headaches so have been wearing them all the time and feel a lot better. Right now, they are sort of bugging me. Getting old sucks.
I have also realized on this vacation that I am maybe getting to that age where even if I were at my ideal weight and went to the gym… at some point, women just stop looking good in bathing suits. That’s a real bummer. But I am feeling pretty motivated to start working out again. My baby weight is gone (and then some – phew!), but I feel (read “am”) very flabby these days! (And Currin has been pointing out that I have long boobs and my butt does “like this” (wiggle your hands around like flab shaking to get the visual), so I think I should seriously hit the gym soon!)
Currin’s growing vocabulary and accompanying curiosity are one of the big reasons I want to start this blog. He says things that amaze me every day. I know all parents are like that. He loves putting things together from various parts of his life and from hearing things from various places. For example, we say a prayer every night. We used to say one of two “stock” prayers (“Now I lay me down to sleep” or “Angel of God, my guardian dear”). But lately we have been saying “special” prayers, which is just me free-forming to say thanks for what happened that day or ask for blessings for certain people. I usually start it by saying, “Dear God, it’s Mommy.” He heard the word “dear” and said, “Like ‘doe a deer, a female deer’”. (He really likes “The Sound of Music” and especially that song – in fact, he likes most anything that involves songs or dancing.)
Or a few weeks ago, he had to go to school in a costume, and I had to have him be my prop. So we dressed him up as a dog and I named him “Petey”. He wanted to know what rhymed with Petey, and the only word I could come up with was “seedy”, so he said, “Like ABCD?” He is really interested in words and sounds and rhyming words and opposites, a little phonics freak like I was, so I try to teach him as much as I can – only to the point where he enjoys it, though, never like “real” tutoring or something like that. This all started with him from a very early age. I remember soon after we moved to India – so when he was just over a year old – I taught him what “ice” was, and he pointed to my “eyes”. So observant with words. It really is cool.
Well, I suppose this should be the close of my first blog entry. (I am typing it in Word because I can’t get online for some reason.) I am nearing the end of page 4. Imagine me too wordy… I think writing will make me feel good. I love to do it. It gets things off my chest. It’s quick for me. And I really am looking forward to having a log of “us”. This has been a great vacation, and very doable with only a 2 ½-hour domestic flight here. I feel relaxed and have a tan, and I always feel better with a tan (skin cancer, be damned).
Signing off from the bathroom floor in Goa…
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